The Saiyan and the Whiner
by Mutrox
Summary: Goku accidentally teleports into the Hidden Leaf Village on the day Pain attacks


Cold wind swept across the clear sky. Birds chirped as they glided on unseen air currents high above the Hidden Leaf Village. In the streets below, countless civilians laughed and walked and traded and carried on with their lives as usual. From his hidden position, Deva Pain narrowed his eyes.

Deep within their makeshift base outside the village, Konan looked up from her notes. "Is everything ready?"

"Almost." Only the faintest outline of the gaunt figure in the tall metal frame could be seen from the light of Konan's glowstick, its head bowed in concentration over a pair of white-knuckled hands. "In moments, the final connection layer will be complete, and as we tear the Nine-Tails from their grasp, the Hidden Leaf will at last know Pain." A trace of satisfaction crept into Nagato's voice.

Konan glanced over to the corner, where the dossiers of all Hidden Leaf shinobi had been neatly stacked. "I know we've been over the intel more times than I can count, but I can't help wondering if we've overlooked something."

"I appreciate your concern, but there is nothing to fear," Nagato reassured her, not raising his head or opening his eyes. "With the power of the Rinnegan at my disposal, I am as a god to those below, and no shinobi in the Hidden Leaf can stop us."

#  
"Bye, honey! I'm gonna go train now!" Goku called cheerfully, waving as he strode out of the front door.

"Did you get all your plowing done for today?" Chi-Chi asked from within the house.

"Plowing? Uh…" Goku flew off toward a field to the east, flying back an instant later. "Sure did, sweetie!"

"Okay, have fun in training! And could you please pick a better spot? I appreciate all the diamonds, but I'm getting tired of picking up all the debris from those mountains. And that horizon is starting to look really bare."

Goku glanced toward the horizon and noticed the newly-empty spaces. "Uh, right. Sorry," he grinned as he scratched the back of his head.

"Oh yeah, Bulma called and said to tell you the new Gravity Chamber is ready for you."

"Okay, I'll head over to Bulma's place. See you later!" Goku placed two fingers on his forehead and bowed his head in concentration. As he did so, a sudden wind picked up, carrying with it the dust of the crumbled mountains. Goku gathered his energy. As he prepared to teleport, some of the dust entered his nose. Before he could stop himself, a sneeze exploded within his chest and out his nose and mouth right as he vanished.

"What?" Goku raised his head. Before him lay a busy street clogged with people going about their business, seemingly not caring about the gigantic Saiyan that had appeared in their midst.

"Where am I?" Goku looked around. "I don't remember coming here before. Well, I guess now we know what happens when you sneeze during Instant Transmission." He glanced up, noticing a pair of men in animal masks jumping across the rooftops. "Guess they must be into martial arts around here." He set off up the street, following the direction the men had taken.

Goku wandered the streets, trying to take in everything around him. Briefly he glanced up at the cliff above and the five stone faces it held. "Huh. Wonder who they are and what they're so angry about." He moved on, eventually passing a building bearing a sign reading "Academy". "This must be where they learn to fight. Looks kind of nice. I bet I would have liked it there if I hadn't had Master Roshi."

A boy brushed by Goku. "Oops, sorry," Goku said.

"Don't worry about it," the boy said shortly.

Goku stopped dead in his tracks. The boy's eyes were completely pale, with no iris at all.  
"Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't realize you were blind!" Goku said quickly, feeling through his pockets.

"What?" the boy asked, frowning.

"Hang on, I bet I have a senzu bean in here somewhere," Goku said, checking another pocket. "We'll fix you right up!"

"I don't know what you're babbling about, but I'm not blind," the boy informed him. "Haven't you ever seen a Hyuuga before?"

Goku stopped searching. "A what?"

"Oh, nevermind," the boy said irritably. "I don't have time for this." He turned and jumped away.

"Hey, wait!" Goku called, following him. "If you're not blind, how do you see without pupils?" Before he could take off, a delicious scent wafted over Goku's nose, halting him. "Hey, what's that?" He inhaled, his mouth beginning to water. "Mmmmm. I guess I could use a bite before I go train."

Goku followed the scent, eventually finding himself outside a small restaurant. Unable to stop himself, he ducked down and entered under the hanging cloths in front.

Behind a counter stood an older, heavyset man. Looking up, he smiled as Goku entered. "Hi, stranger. What can I get for you?"

"A bowl of whatever smells so good, please!"Goku said cheerfully, taking a seat.

"One bowl of ramen, coming up!" The man announced, turning around. "Say, you're not from around here, are you?"

"How did you know?"

"You've just got a look about you."

"Yeah, I was looking for a place to train and ended up here instead," Goku admittedly sheepishly.

"Well in that case, this one's on the house." The man turned again, bearing a generous bowl of the finest ramen Goku had ever seen. He set it on the counter as Goku tried not to drown in his own saliva. "Consider this a Ramen Ichiraku welcome to the Hidden Leaf Village."

"'Hidden Leaf Village'? Goku asked, picking up a pair of chopsticks.

"Oh, yes. Crown jewel of the Land of Fire."

"No kidding." Goku put a noodle in his mouth. "Oh, wow! This is the best thing I've ever tasted!" He finished the bowl in one second flat and reached into his pocket. "Can I have some more?" He tossed a large diamond on the counter.

The old man's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "Uh, sure…" He served up another bowl, which disappeared almost as soon as it hit the counter. "Woah! Never thought I'd meet anyone who likes my noodles more than Naruto." He served up another bowl.

Soon a stack of empty bowls piled up next to Goku's elbow. Other customers gawked at the pointy-hair giant inhaling bowl after bowl of noodles. One woman motioned to a passing man who joined the crowd. "Where does he put it all?" someone whispered.

The old man stood speechless. "Could I get a picture when you're done?" he asked, unsure of what else to say.

"Oh yeah, sure." Goku set down another bowl. "More, please!"

Suddenly a gigantic blast rocked the earth. The old man was thrown back against the wall as debris and kitchen supplies crashed around him. Outside, screams erupted as dust clouds engulfed the street.

Goku nearly choked on the last noodle in his bowl. "What the-? What's going on? Hey, old guy! You okay?" He appeared at the old man's side. "Talk to me!" Despite his efforts, the old man did not open his eyes.

#  
Lady Tsunade strode into the ANBU combat center. "Report!"

"Massive security breach, ma'am!" One of them shouted. "Reports are coming in from all over the village! Unknown number of hostiles, but they appear to be extremely powerful!"

"Noble Squad was found dead outside the walls, ma'am!" Another shouted. "No signs of a struggle. Whoever they are, they overpowered an entire ANBU squadron in an instant."

Tsunade swore under her breath. "All available units, with me!" She ordered. "We're stopping this now!"

#  
Goku rushed outside, frantically looking in all directions.

The world had exploded. Buildings had been vaporized. Bleeding people lay in the dirt. A never-ending chorus of screams filled the air, broken only by more explosions. Gigantic creatures thundered above, raining death down on the helpless innocents below.

A piercing scream rose up to Goku's right. He whirled around, teeth and fists clenched.

Further up the street, a small child lay pinned under a fallen slab of concrete, trying in vain to pull her bleeding leg free as tears streamed down her face. In front of her stood a girl bearing the same pale eyes Goku had seen on the boy earlier. The girl's faced twisted in determination, hands raised toward an unseen enemy.

Further away, a lone figure approached them. Six arms hung from the figure's shirtless body. Metal studs protruded out of its skin. Its lips tightened into a cruel smile as it approached the girl.  
The girl gritted her teeth, her eyes darted back and forth across the thing's body. As Goku watched, the thing began to twist and transform, its body exposing metal weapons beneath its flesh. The girl stood her ground. The thing raised a hand, blade gleaming. "Now die."

CRASH!

The girl gasped. The thing's eyes widened.

Goku stood between them, holding up one finger, glaring furiously. The blade struggled against him, but to no avail. "Are you okay?" He asked the girl.

"Yes, I think so," she replied, her wide eyes staring up at him, her voice seeming oddly quiet.

"Take her and get out of here." With his free hand, Goku made a sweeping motion. The concrete slab rose into the air and crashed a few meters away. "Go!" The girl scooped up the child and ran.

"Since when does the Hidden Leaf have a shinobi like you?" The thing asked, its mechanical-sounding voice high with shock.

Goku glared into its purple eyes. "I don't know what a shinobi is, but I'm not one. I'm a Saiyan." Twisting on one foot, he hurled the thing into the sky. The thing tumbled helplessly through the air for a second, then crashed into the middle stone face in the cliff.

All across the village, the Pains stopped and stared in Goku's direction. Tsunade halted, momentarily forgetting the gigantic boulder she was holding above her head. "What? What are they doing?" Before she could strike, the Pains took off toward Goku.

Back in the cave, Nagato barked at Konan. "Find out what a Saiyan is! NOW!"

Konan scrambled through her notes. "I'm not finding any reference to anything called a Saiyan anywhere!"

"Nothing?" Nagato squeezed his eyes shut tighter. "No matter. Whoever or whatever this Saiyan is, I will show him the meaning of Pain." He returned his attention to the battle. "Ninja Art! Repulsion Flight Jutsu! Transfer!"

Goku turned as the five remaining Pains exploded into the sky above him. "Looks like I'll be getting that workout after all!" Goku took off.

Goku rolled to the left, sending the first Pain flying with a kick. Spinning, he punched away a second and flew up into the third. Grabbing it by the throat, he flew straight down and slammed it into the ground. Explosions rocked the ground around him. He looked up. The puppet thing soared toward him with the others, firing a swarm of rockets screaming at him. Goku raised a hand. The rockets shuddered, turning in midair toward the Pains. A massive pressure wave shot out in all directions from a dense cloud of smoke. Goku dashed in, fists raised.

Lights flashed. Blasts flew. Booms echoed. Seven streaks tore across the sky as Goku and the Pains battled. Below, Tsunade stood with her ANBU, gazing up in confusion. "Who is that?" She asked no one in particular. "Is that a shinobi?"

"He's sure not one of ours, ma'am," an ANBU agent replied. "None of us can fly."

"Hatzuki! Get a read on him!" Tsunade ordered, pointing.

"Understood." The ANBU known as Hatzuki raised her head. "Byakugan!" She was silent for a moment. "Ma'am… I don't know how this is possible, but he's not using any chakra at all!"

"None?"  
"Not a single joule. I don't see a chakra network anywhere in his body!"

Tsunade turned her gaze skyward once more. "What kind of monsters are up there?"

Goku raced through the sky, punching and kicking and biting and chopping and blazing with unearthly power. All six Pains flew around him, blasting him with their strongest attacks. One of them held out his hand in a pushing motion, as if he expected the move to level the whole village. Goku's hair moved slightly as he felt nothing more than a slight breeze. "You guys are determined, I'll give you that much!" He called. "But this is a little slow for me, so how about we kick things up a little! HYAAAAAAHHH!" Goku exploded with energy, his hair becoming golden.

As one, the Pains stopped in shock. _His power is already astronomical and it's still climbing!_

Tsunade's jaw dropped. "WHAT JUST HAPPENED?" she demanded of everyone around her. No one could tear their eyes away long enough to reply.

More explosions filed the air, almost seeming as one as Goku fought. No eyes could follow the yellow streak as it tore across the heavens. With one punch, he shattered a Pain bearing the power of resurrection, sending its debris crashing to the ground. Sensing their loss, the other Pains retreated to a safe distance. "You are not of this village," the lead Pain declared.

"Let's just say I'm passing through," Goku smirked.

"How are you able to transform your body?"

"Oh, this? It's a little trick I picked up on Planet Namek. There was another guy there who wanted to murder everything. We ended up disagreeing, too."

"You are not from this world?" The lead Pain asked, shock carrying through his voice.

"Nope. I'm a Saiyan from the Planet Vegeta, but Earth is my home."

Pure terror swept across the faces of all the Pains. "What kind of man are you?" the lead one almost whispered.

Goku lost his smirk. "What kind of man am I? I am the hope of the universe. I am the answer to all living things that cry out for peace. I am protector of the innocent. I am the light in the darkness! I am truth! Ally to good! Nightmare to you! MY NAME IS SON GOKU, AND I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO HAVE… THIS… VILLAAAAAAAAAAGE!" Goku's aura exploded, becoming brighter, more intense, seemingly ready to destroy the world should its master lose control for even an instant.

Goku dashed forward, crushing two more Pains with his bare heads. With a flick of his wrists, he sent them flying to the sky, already burning up from friction.  
The lead Pain retreated, scattering with the other two. Goku blazed after them, blasting them with punches from all sides as they tried in vain to escape. More thunder rolled across the landscape, and those watching below covered their ears.

Amid the chaos, Deva Pain managed to gather his words as each blow brought him closer to oblivion. "You can't do this… my Pain is greater than yours…"

"AND IT'S ABOUT TO GET EVEN GREATER! HYAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

Before the eyes of the onlookers, Goku's body exploded three more times, first bearing a head of enormous golden hair, then red hair, and finally brilliant blue hair.

The jaws of all remaining Pains dropped. Without a moment of hesitation, they all turned and flew away as fast as they could.

Goku flew under them and drew back his fist. "SERIOUS PUNCH!"

The remaining Pains shot into the sky in a gigantic vortex of wind, no longer able to move. Goku moved his hands together. "KA-ME-HA-ME-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Nagato howled in agony back in the hideout, the machine overloading from Goku's power. Konan turned to run. But before she could take more than two steps, the explosion engulfed her, reducing her body to ash as well.

Goku touched down on the ground, his hair returning to its usual black. "That was too easy."

Instantly, a cheer went up from nowhere and everywhere at once, growing louder every second."Huh?" Goku looked around.

Out of the wreckage crawled the citizens of the Hidden Leaf, battered but alive. They converged on Goku as one.

"Thank you for saving us, Goku!"

"You're the best!"

"We owe you our lives!"

"I'll name my firstborn after you!"

"Goku, will you marry me?"

"Aw, stop guys, you're making me blush!" Goku grinned sheepishly, scratching the back of his head as blood rushed to his face.

Tsunade shouldered aside some of the crowd and approached Goku. "Son Goku, I am Lady Tsunade, Hokage of the Hidden Leaf. On behalf of the village, I'd like to formally extend our gratitude to you for saving us."

"Hey, no problem! I'm just glad I got here when I did!" Goku replied, shaking Tsunade's hand.

Off to the side, the pale-eyed girl from before stood next to a pink-haired girl, a blond girl, and a brown-haired girl with buns.

"Well, look at that," Sakura said, smiling. "We got a new honorary member today."

"Think he could teach us some moves?" Ten-Ten asked.

"I just hope he's single," Ino said dreamily.

Hinata looked at the others. "Um… do you think he'll get along with Naruto?"

Sakura shrugged. "Probably. He looks like the kind of guy who gets along with everybody."

Ten-Ten snapped out of it. "Oh yeah, we've got to tell Naruto about this! I'll go see about a summoning jutsu!" She jogged off.

A short time later, Naruto arrived in a cloud of smoke. "Huh? What happened to this place?" He asked, seeing the damage. Ten-Ten opened her mouth.

"Big Brother Naruto!" Konohamuru ran up. "You missed it! There was this evil guy and he was destroying everything, but then Big Brother Goku showed up and he was all 'No, you don't!', and then he went 'Boom!' and 'Punch!' and 'Boom!' and 'Punch!', and the bad guy was all 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

Naruto tuned him out as his friend led him toward the group of people huddled around Goku. "Big Brother Goku!" Konohamaru called. "I want you to meet Big Brother Naruto!"

Goku and Naruto's eyes met. "Well, hi!" Goku said cheerfully.

"Hi there!" Naruto replied. "I heard you saved the village!"

"Well, I couldn't let all that delicious ramen go to waste, now could I?" Goku laughed.

Naruto laughed as well. "Glad somebody loves Ichiraku's as much as I do." He held out his hand. "I'm Naruto, by the way. Naruto Uzumaki."

"Naruto, huh?" Goku smiled, shaking his hand. "I'm Goku. Good to meet you."


End file.
